How To Be A Project Manager [Humor]

Being a project manager is a bit like captaining a rowboat. You have a bullhorn, and a lot of eager people trying to help, but unless you get them all to work together, you’re going to just go around in circles. It looks easy, but it isn’t! So, here’s how to be a project manager. (Humor alert.)

Get Everything Done Ahead Of Schedule

All you need to do is just ship the three out of four widgets made in the original design that passed the initial testing, after all. It’s so simple! Produce four units, and only ship the first three – when design is finished, just ship the fourth! You can be ahead of schedule in no time at all. Literally.

Patience Is A Virtue

The customer always knows what he wants. By asking a thousand and one questions, you’ll make sure the end result is exactly what they want, and exactly what they need, too. Don’t make ANY decisions without checking with the customer! Buying coffee for the office? Ask the customer which brand. Why not ask them which hot cups to buy, too.

Brush Up On Your Specialist Vocabulary

Every profession has its specialized vocabulary, and project management is no different. Make sure you know the proper buzzwords and industry terms before you start. You won’t be successful unless you know how to properly tell someone that their task was due last week, thank you very much, please get it done properly before we all face the wrath of top management.

Make Sure You Manage Your Risk

Risk Management. Ovaltine. Have you ever had this stuff? Why do they call it ovaltine. They should call it roundtine.

Motivate Your Team, And Keep Them On Task

It can really be easy to give good feedback to your team. You can motivate them and keep them focused on the tasks at hand, at the same time! This manager was able to get his employee thinking critically, working hard, and staying on task with just a few well placed words. You can do the same.